February 14, 2012
How are you all doing? How is life? How have your week been?
Well good news! I am doing well, I am better and I haven't gotten sick again (knock on wood :P). And this week has been a challenging week, but also a very uplifting week!
So this past week, I was struggling to feel the spirit. I was starting to only worry about myself (being selfish). My prayers were getting not so sincere, and it literally took a toll on me this week. My cha-mae-nim was able to teach with the spirit, and I wanted to do the same. It took me almost the whole week to realize that I was 'turning inward' when I should be turning outward (being selfless).
So Saturday came, and we were teaching in TRC. I was trying to understand the investigators, my cha-mae-nim and trying to put sentences together. No matter how much I tried, I just could not understand ANYTHING and could not get anything out. I began to feel frustrated and my cha-mae-nim would turn to me to ask me to say something, and I just stared at her. I felt so angry and frustrated that I just told her I couldn't say anything. I would attempt, but she would end up helping me finish my sentence. Although I wasn't able to say what I wanted to say I did bear my simple testimony about the gospel, and our message about the Book Of Mormon.
After TRC I was sad, and devastated. I forgot EVERYTHING! and I felt inadequate. My cha-mae-nim said that that thought is not from God. That thought is from the devil, because he wants us to believe that we cannot succeed. Also we got our feed back from our investigators, and I learnt that even though I couldn't say much, our investigators still felt the love of our message for them, and the love that we had for them. So even though we may think we are not doing much, the Spirit is working wonders in the hearts of the investigators!
Sunday was also very amazing! the messages were great! If you can, you should read Elder Bednar's talk about The Character of Christ. It has changed my life, and my purpose as a missionary! To be truly converted to the gospel is to consistently try to live like Christ did by turning outward when the natural man would turn inward. (i.e. Cookie monster from Seasame street; the Cookie monster wanted cookies only for himself and only thought about "me" not anything or anybody else...that is our natural man...selfishness. But we need to put off the natural man and turn outwards towards others and serve them even when we are going through the roughest times in our lives). A story that Elder Bednar shared with us is:
A women, who was also a Relief Society President in her ward, phoned Elder Bednar up one morning and asked him to go to the hospital to identify some young women, because they were in a car accident. There were three young women, one had died during the car accident and the other two were being transported to the hospital. She was on two phones, one with Elder Bednar, and the other with a nurse at the scene of the accident. Elder Bednar was able to hear just a little of what the other person on the other phone told this women, that her daughter was the young women that died in that car accident. Instead of turning inward, she turned outward and told Elder Bednar that they needed to contact the other sisters to let them know that their daughters were in a car accident and let them know what their situation was. (I think a week later) This women, who had an only child (the daughter who died), got a call from someone in her Relief Society. The person who called her didn't know that her only daughter had just died and that she was on her way to her daughter's funeral, and she complained to her that no one in the Relief Society brought her dinner because she was ill. So the women, whose daughter had just died, went and dropped off a meal to the lady's house before she went to her daughter funeral.
This is an example of someone who turned outward when the natural man would have turned inward.
This is only a portion of his talk that we heard, so if you could, you should read the rest of it! It was amazing!
Also this week has been a sad week for our zone. Our senior district left yesterday, Monday, and our native Koreans also! :( It kinda feels a little empty without our senior district, and the stick is now passed on to us to be the examples to the new district that will be coming in next week. We also found out that one of our senior district elders is actually NOT from New Zealand! He was speaking with an accent the whole six weeks, and the last friday, he told us that!! :P we were all shocked, because he played his part very well! Also our district found out that one of our teachers are going to leave next week, because he got a job offer that deals with what he is studying. We are very very sad to let him go, but we understand that it's better for him in the long run. So we have been very emotionally sad this past few days :P.
I feel very blessed, and I am very happy. Yesterday we were reviewing gerunds (i.e. English grammar - a noun formed from a verb ) and our teacher was saying that she was really proud of us, because we were getting it! and also, she said we can say SOO much more now. I look back on my first week here at the MTC, and I remember saying that I would have a hard time learning the language, and that I didn't think I would be able to do it. I look back now and I see that the Lord has really blessed me and my district with the gift of tongues. We have learnt SO much, and this week our goal as a district is to learn 500 dano words in korean (added up together between our district). Also we are able to teach our lessons without writing them out in Korean. I can now look at a sentence and piece it together in Korean! I am soo happy and amazed at what the Lord has taught me, and helped me to accomplish! My next goal is to learn to read faster in Korean. I can speak it alright, and write it, but my weakness is reading! Anyways, I am very very grateful that the Lord has helped me through these past 6 weeks! The Lord works in mysterious and profound ways.
This Sunday at our Relief Society meeting, we were suppose to only have all sisters in that meeting, but Sis. Cook's husband came along cause it was snowing on Sunday, and he wanted to be with his wife. It ended up being a blessing. Near the end of our meeting a sister fainted, and we were able to get medical help, but also Sister Cook's husband was able to give the sister a blessing. From what I hear, she is doing fine now though. But the Lord does work in mysterious ways, and everything happens for a reason! :)
Today I went to the temple, and it was AMAZING!!! I love going to the temple every week! it definitely does make your week/day much better, and you learn SO much! Well My time is up...and i wish I could say sooo much more. But know that I do love you, and that I pray for each and everyone of you everyday! LOVE YOU ALL! and take care! Keep pushing forward, and look on the positive side of things! It will make your day THAT much better~
I love you all, and HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!!! :) Remember, that the Lord loves you, and He will NEVER abandon you!
Love,
Kwok cha-mae-nim
Happy Valentine's Day everyone!!! :D Hope your day is filled with Love and Joy! :D
